Friday, June 22, 2012

JunPhoMo 21st

Warning beforehand, this will get a little sentimental.

Today's prompt is 'A Happy Memory'. Earlier today my sister and I were thinking about which grade in school was our best. She was going all yadda yadda yadda about her eighth grade stories while I was thinking about my own. And then when I logged on to the internet I saw this prompt and decided to just blog about it.

My best grade in school was my first year of A Levels, and that is the memory I would share today. The reason why I feel like A Levels were the best is mainly because it was the last year I spent at my school before moving to the USA, and since I knew I was moving I enjoyed my heart out, literally! I had been through the worst (I thought) as far as sucky, biased, bribed teachers were concerned, and also the jealous faggot-y school mates. So, I had become care-free as far as people were concerned, I used to speak what I had on my mind even if that meant telling a couple people to stop pissing me off and run away as far as they could from me. I had gotten rid of the people who had been asses, and I was ready to discard any other faggots that I met in my way. Once I had received my acceptance letter from my University of Maryland, that stress had finished off too. I was the most care-free girl in the world, enjoying my last year at the place I had studied and dealt with so much at for almost a decade.

I met some good people, who liked me for who I was, respected me, and showed me the love and care that you would expect from friends shown in movies. After meeting a couple of really horrible people before A Levels, my group of friends in A levels felt like a fresh new start, they felt like those angelic people God sends in your life to make you happy and forget the worse that you've dealt with in the past. I was happy. I was really very happy! Waking up to go to school was a joyful experience for me, I used to happily wake up and get dressed and walk to the A Level wing in my school with pride. I was proud of finally finding decent people and happy to be loved.

The happiest memory from that year (in the picture above) is of our trip to the beach. It was special for several reasons. It was the first time I was heading to the beach because the last time I had gone I was too young to notice much. It was that once in a gazillion moments when mom allowed me to do something like this. It was a fabulous once in a lifetime chance to hang out with my whole group at the beach, far away from home, far away from our classes, far far away from our school. I still get goosebumps thinking about how happy I had been that day; I was glowing, literally, my face was actually glowing and I could see it in the mirror when I dressed up that day! The beach trip holds a special position in my heart, and also a very well-deserved entry in my scrapbook of memories. I can not forget the fun I had that day, I was too happy to even be able to breathe properly!! I LOVED THAT DAY!

Now, my group isn't there for me anymore. Slowly in pairs of twos and fours they turned their backs on me. Some decided to cook up stories to provide excuses to walk away. Some sank as low to count the money they spent on buying gifts for me over the years. And others found their chance to reveal their true selves just because the rest were. I miss the feeling I had when I was with them, I miss getting bored with them, attending classes with them, laughing and talking and joking around with them. I miss them. And I admit I miss them a lot & it hurts a lot too! But I realized they were all fakes, and though it hurts a lot knowing that, it feels nice at the same time because I'm not being fooled anymore. I don't have fake happiness anymore.

I've always tried to be, and have also been the best to whoever I called my friend. Not boasting or anything, but I know that I am a fabulous friend. I just wish people valued me more, especially the ones I'm talking of. I may have lost their company, but their loss was greater; they lost me! They lost a person who could go to heights for her friends. I wish they would have been the friends I wanted them to be, but no, they weren't there for me. And this may sound horrible of me to say this, but I wish they go through the same feelings that they made me go through. I wish they're never able to make true friends ... and I say this because the whole experience has been really awful for me and I no longer feel that it's fair that I be good to people and love them with all my heart and they be asses to me in return!

- S. Ali

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