To All Of My Friends On Facebook & Otherwise

Dear friend,

Usually a person feels the most when they fall into some kind of low in their lives. For me the decision to write this blog post slash letter has come during sickness. I am sick as I type right now, curled up against the curves of my sofa as if it is an extension of my body. Actually, for the number of hours that I've been lying dead on this sofa all day today it might as well have become an extension of my body. My head feels like it weighs forty more kilos than it usually does and I have to carry it around on my already aching and muscle spasm afflicted neck and shoulders. Unfortunately, there is no button around my neck that would allow me to take my head off and keep it aside for a while like a car seat's head rest. My throat aches and feels swollen as if somebody forcefully blew up a balloon inside it - or several. It pains me to even swallow or talk; I've lost my voice. My ears feel irritated as if somebody pricked a needle there and forgot to take it out. Everything behind my facial area feels jammed up, faint, and muted like headphones muffled underneath a pile of clothes. I'm in pain, I feel pathetic, and my mood has reached an all time low. Last night I was seeing a doctor at the urgent care facility where she poked and scrubbed the inside of my nostrils and my throat to run various tests on me and rule out the bad stuff like strep throat and flu. It is a viral infection, she said, and told me I needed lots of fluid and rest. I also think I need some love, attention, and care - something you should have been around for. Should have, but aren't.

Yes, this is why I am writing this. Not because I'm sick this one time and need attention like an overly demanding pet. Instead because this isn't the first time you've been missing. You've been missing every single time I needed a tiny bit of attention or support. I don't demand out of the world reactions but a tiny gesture as simple as a text message asking me how I was doing would suffice. It'd make me feel like the time and effort I invest in you aren't going completely waste. It would make me feel like our friendship is a mutual effort, not a one way thing. At the very least it'll stop making me feel like I'm sending communication signals in space in the hopes of receiving a reply from aliens.

Yes, today I am complaining. Yes, today I am feeling bad and not in a I-need-pity kind of way, no. Instead read this as my final word of warning. I've tried at least a million times to ignore how you keep ignoring me and my problems. I've given myself ample excuses and explanations from your behalf; you're busy, you're stressed out, your phone died, your service provider permanently shut down, the world on your side exploded so there were no networks left to function so you couldn't send me something as simple as a text message. Everything. I've tried it. But not anymore. There are only a few days left for the new year to begin and consider this as my very first resolution, one that I'm going to start following even before the calendar shows the three and one. Starting right now I refuse to continue making futile one way efforts and making excuses on your behalf. Full stop. Period. The end. I refuse to because while you chose to pretend I didn't exist there were other people who actually bothered, for whom it was still possible to send me a text message because their side of the world was still intact and had functioning phone networks. So next time you don't find my text message asking you updates on your life or your problems don't be surprised. I won't unless you do. Next time you wish to vent about how sucky your co workers are, how huge your guy problems have been, how much somebody is troubling you, how the world doesn't agree with you, and how terribly the universe is conspiring against you just stop. Stop and ask yourself when was the last time you sent me a, "Hey, what is up?" message. Stop and ask yourself when was the last time you picked up your phone to ask about me and not vent about you. Stop and ask yourself where you were when I was sick, or when I was celebrating something happy in my life, or when I was down, or when I was ecstatic.

I will still always be there, just a phone call or a text message away, because unlike you I'm a friend at heart; I care about the people in my life. I will always be there but not just as a Facebook notification or a beep on your phone. No. I will not make the effort anymore unless you do. The choice is yours. You get to decide how I behave, because I will just the way you do to me. It is pretty fair and square if you think about it.

Love,

Sara

The best friend you could have ever hoped for!