I've Been Going Crazy!

I think this is going to be the first time in my blog's life when I'm beginning a blog post with literally nothing in my mind. But there is a lot on my mind. But none of it makes sense. But it makes sense to me. But no it doesn't ... Yes, I have a really bad case of writer's block. I just paused for a second and Googled up writer's block in a separate tab of my browser just to be sure I was saying what I meant. It seems like writer's block is the inability of a writer to produce original works or basically a creative slump, as I like to call it. The trouble with me is that I haven't ran out of ideas, no; I have a million ideas and some really awesome blog posts I have been meaning to write. Yet when I finally get a chance to sit down with my laptop and begin typing I am left staring at a blank screen for hours. It is not cool at all. I know what to write. I know how to write. I just can't!

I tried and tried and tried, sometimes even being able to produce a little bit of something, but I've had hard luck. My first reaction was, "Okay, maybe I need a little bit of a break and everything will be fine." So I gave myself a break and decided it was okay even if I wasn't posting something every third day (like I like to schedule my blog posts). A little while later I came back to my blog and tried composing a new post. I was certain I would succeed because I had my ideas sorted inside my head this time. What happened? Blank screen. Okay, maybe just a post title but then blank. Staring at that blinking cursor doesn't feel nice. In fact, it feels sad. I love writing and I survive through my love for blogging so when it doesn't work out for me it feels pathetic.

Finally, I decided to step away once again and this time try to reach the roots of my problem. As I've stated countless times before I am a huge advocate of alone time and having conversations with myself. This time too I tried it out. In the backseat of my sister's car I found myself lost in my thoughts, completely blind to the scene outside my window and deaf to the conversations Abbie and mama were indulged in. I wondered why I was facing what I was facing and I think I have an answer. I've been going crazy. Life has been driving me crazy! All I do every single day of my life these days is wake up and rush against time to try and fit in countless chores, exercises, work, plans, and schedules all in one day. Oh and I do this for others around me. I think I've hardly had time left for myself these days by the time everything else on my schedule gets scratched off on my planner. It's insane and what makes it crazier is that none of what I do is appreciated. I work round the clock trying to finish everything for everybody and what I get in return is complaining, ignoring, or pointing out flaws.

It's just not okay and I think it's been getting to me lately. Thus, I've been brain dead since a little while now. I guess when you have a million things on your head it stops functioning properly and you end up with a block like mine! This blog post is literally a ramble straight from my head. I type as it comes in the hope that once I do this my mind might start functioning properly again. Like a clog in a drain maybe if I plunge out a bit from the end the rest starts flowing. So here I am, fingers crossed and hoping to be back to my usual rapturous blogger self again!