A Long Rant 'Cause I'm Feeling Low

No pretty pictures in this post - this is literally a plain and simple rant.

I'm dumping my brain's mess here and hoping to feel better by doing so.

Why I chose to do this? Because I've been trying to blog properly since some time now and it's not happening. My brain has shut down. I was on fire throughout April, posting everyday for the A to Z challenge and then May began and I just ... pshhhhh ... deflated. And I know why, which is what is making me feel very very low.

I just have no time for myself. And when I finally do my brains have been fried and I can no longer function. After taking care of cooking, cleaning, and managing a household of seven (currently eight) humans I am left drained of all energy. I try to blog but nothing comes. I try to do something creative and artsy in my room but I have no strength left in me to even move a limb. It is bad. It is sad. It is unfair. It is making me feel pathetic.

All I want is some time for myself. I'm not asking for much, maybe just an hour or two everyday when nobody disturbs me. But I need these hours not at the end of the day before midnight after the world has sucked all energy out of my soul. No. I need these hours sometime when I am fresh and active and not tired to the extent I cannot even think straight anymore. I have so many hobbies, so many plans, so many wishes ... and no time to do any of it all.

When Ramadan began I had high hopes because usually we all slow down because of the fasts and I get to rest and spend time doing stuff I like doing. Just like every year I finished everything before it began - cooking and freezing stuff ahead of time, cleaning the entire house, and finishing all other work. I was happy that I would get time for myself now .. finally. But that never happened. Unlike all the previous years when I've enjoyed myself, this year in Ramadan I don't even have a minute to myself. It's getting frustrating lately because I made the mistake of actually making plans for myself. I feel really bad and it's been affecting my writing and creativity. It's just bad ... very bad. And I want it to change.

I want time. I want some breathing space. I need it. I feel like my brain will blow up if it doesn't get some time to blow off steam. I write this rant today hoping that if I get this out of my system maybe I'll be able to burst through my writers' block and get back to blogging.

That's it. That's all I had to say.

Like I said, no pretty pictures for this blog post, no well thought out words ... just a rant. Just a brain dump.