J.K. Rowling and the Death I Haven't Forgiven Her For

And then the world resolved itself into pain and semidarkness: He was half buried in the wreckage of a corridor that had been subjected to a terrible attack. Cold air told him that the side of the castle had been blown away, and hot stickiness on his cheek told him that he was bleeding copiously. Then he heard a terrible cry that pulled at his insides, that expressed agony of a kind neither flame nor curse could cause, and he stood up, swaying, more frightened than he had been that day, more frightened, perhaps, than he had been in his life… .

And Hermione was struggling to her feet in the wreckage, and three redheaded men were grouped on the ground where the wall had blasted apart. Harry grabbed Hermione’s hand as they staggered and stumbled over stone and wood.

“No – no – no!” someone was shouting. “No! Fred! No!”
And Percy was shaking his brother, and Ron was kneeling beside them, and Fred’s eyes stared without seeing, the ghost of his last laugh still etched upon his face.”

- Excerpt from Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows

The ghost of his last laugh still etched upon his face ... no J.K. Rowling. NO! This did not just happen. No. No way. It was like the world had just gone still. There was no air around, no sounds, no movements. Nothing mattered in that moment except that what I had just read must be reversed, undone, cancelled. Nothing mattered more than the need for Fred Weasley to be alive. I flipped over to the next line, desperate to read some sign of life, showing that it was just a  misunderstanding ... but I was left heartbroken. That is what I felt when I first read about Fred's death.

Oh Rowling, I am never ever ever forgiving you for taking Fred Weasley away. J.K. Rowling killed so many characters, broke our hearts so many times, made us cry time and again but nothing compared to losing Fred Weasley. I remember the first time I was reading the Deathly Hallows and I read this page, I just died myself. I felt something in the deep insides of my body, like some hole had just opened up inside my stomach and my heart had fallen inside it. I read it again and again and again. I hoped I had read wrong or maybe understood wrong. I wanted to unread it. I wanted it to stop. But it remained unchanged, right there, no matter how many times I read it.

Fred Weasley had died. Fred Weasley, who made me laugh. Fred Weasley, the son, the friend, and most importantly the brother. Rowling had not only killed Fred but also snatched away George's life by doing so. It broke my heart, I cried, I ugly cried. I cried for George because he lost his brother. I cried for Mrs. Weasley who lost her son so young. I cried for Fred's fans who admired his talent as the prankster and joke shop owner. I cried for the entire Weasley family, which was now broken. I cried for myself. I just cried uncontrollably, not believing what my eyes had read.

This post is not easy at all for me to write because it's making me cry all over again. Years later, today, the death still feels fresh, like Rowling just ripped him out of my world. People will say its foolish to cry over a fictional character. But I don't know why, it feels like the loss of a real person, as if a family member or a very close friend had left me. It stings just as bad today as it did all those years ago. Even today, after having read the books over and over again so many times, I still do not forgive Rowling for Fred.

I love you Rowling, you are the queen of my Potterverse. But I'm sorry, I do not forgive you. I have so many complaints against Rowling actually. Fred was so young, he had an entire bright future with the joke shop ahead of him. He had so much to do, so much talent, so many life experiences to still have. Why Fred? Why take away his twin from George? I had and have and will always only imagine Fred and George together. The thought of one existing without the other is just heart shattering. You can't just take away George's other half, his best friend, his brother and then get away with it. If Rowling really and absolutely had to take away a Weasley son it could have been anyone else. It would have hurt, yes, because I love the entire Weasley family. But still, anyone but Fred. She could have taken away Bill or Charlie or Percy! I'd have somehow consoled myself. But Fred? No.

I have never truly been successful at making peace with Fred's death, but the part of me that finally has accepted it as fact has a burning question it needs to ask Rowling. Why couldn't she let Fred die in George's arms? Why couldn't they have a moment together? Why not give George the last word with his brother? Why? Could George ever find closure for Fred's death having not witnessed it? Of course I know it would have possibly been worse to read George and Fred's goodbyes; it probably would have hurt like salt on fresh wounds. But it just baffles me when I try to imagine how George must have received the news. Who told him? Who brought the body to him? What did George do? Did he refuse to accept at first that he would no longer see his identical twin wink back at him? Or did he breakdown and cry? Did he shake Fred to try and wake him? Did he think he was joking and feigning death at first? And then when he realized it wasn't a joke what did he do? Was he crestfallen and silent in shock? Was he in denial? Or did he burst into tears? Did he scream like they do in movies? What did he do? WHAT HAPPENED? Why did nobody tell me? WHY did Fred have to die???

I realized I have somehow never written about this before. Maybe because of how sad it makes me, maybe because of how mad I am at her for doing this to me, maybe because it is something I still don't wish to accept. I don't know ... I just know that Rowling shouldn't have done it. She took Sirius Black, I cried to imagine how Harry felt, but somehow consoled myself. She killed Dumbledore and described the tragedy in the most despondent of funerals and I found myself crying really badly. Again, I controlled myself. Moody went, Hagrid went, Dobby went ... everyone left me one by one and I cried but consoled my heart. But Fred shouldn't have left. Fred shouldn't have died. She shouldn't have done it. I haven't forgiven her for Fred and I will never ever forgive her ... EVER!

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